1 00:01:12,891 --> 00:01:18,491 02 Police Academy 2 Their First Assignment - Comedy 1985 720p [H264-mp4] English 2 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:27,044 [GRUNTING] 3 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,126 [BARKING] 4 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:14,925 [DOORBELL RINGING] 5 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,505 [SIREN WAILING] 6 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,799 Evening. 7 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:18,030 WOMAN OVER MACHINE: Hello. Hello. 8 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,656 - Hello. - Hello. 9 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:23,327 - Hello. Hello. - Hello. 10 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,621 - Hello. - Hello... 11 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,958 Hello. Hello. 12 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,672 Give it to me! 13 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,510 - Eight bucks? - Business is slow. 14 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:44,473 Get a new business or move out of the neighborhood! 15 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,558 [SCREAMING] 16 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,189 [SIREN WAILING] 17 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:07,162 WOMAN: Come on. MAN: Hey, take that! Pig! 18 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:15,254 Get your hands off me! 19 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,384 So am I ever gonna get an answer out of you guys? 20 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,553 - Well, sir... - Well. 21 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,932 - Congratulations, captain. - What is it now, chief? 22 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,017 Oh. It's official. 23 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:32,354 This is now the worst precinct in the entire city. 24 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:36,858 Would you look at this? Burglary, up 36 percent. 25 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,778 Armed robbery, up 20 percent. 26 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,615 Vandalism, up 44 percent. 27 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,910 Sir, I think if you'll check, burglary is up 48 percent. 28 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,412 There. You hear that? 29 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,872 - Who are you? - Mauser, sir. M as in "man"... 30 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,917 - A-U-S as in "Sam"... - Shut up and sit down, Mauser. 31 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:57,546 - He didn't ask for your biography. - E-R, sir. 32 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,756 Look, Hurst, what do you expect? 33 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:04,720 You cut my budget, you cut my staff. I got nothing to work with. 34 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:08,390 Look around! These guys are old. They're tired. 35 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,059 They just can't cut it anymore. 36 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:14,062 Maybe they need a new captain, Lassard. 37 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,733 The mayor wants results. You remember the mayor? 38 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,902 She wants something done about this. What do you propose? 39 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,614 Take your nose out of my business, go to the mayor's office... 40 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,783 and put it where it usually is. 41 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,327 [PHONE RINGING] 42 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:33,790 You have exactly 30 days to turn this precinct around, or you are out. 43 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:37,252 Do you understand me? Thirty days and that's it! 44 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,921 I need at least a dozen new men. 45 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,759 - You can have six. - Well, thank you! 46 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,094 You better get started. 47 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,598 MAUSER: Excuse me, captain. 48 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,642 Get me the police academy. I wanna speak to my brother. 49 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,944 MAUSER: Sir. Chief. 50 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:07,866 Sir, if I may be so bold, I would like to apologize... 51 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,162 for Captain Lassard's remark about your nose being up the mayor's... 52 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:17,834 Chief, I've got some new ideas on how to run this precinct. 53 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:21,963 - Oh, I'll bet you do, Mauser. - Long-range plans, sir... 54 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:24,800 planning steps, deployment. 55 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:30,472 See, sir, it's really a question of leadership that works. 56 00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:33,892 Lassard's got 30 days. 57 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,355 If he should blow it, the job is yours. 58 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,984 I fully understand, sir. 59 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:48,824 Mauser, you are the most incredible ass-kisser I have ever seen. 60 00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,201 Thank you very much, sir. I do my best. 61 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,205 [PHONE RINGING] 62 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:03,338 She must be out to lunch. Police academy. 63 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,715 Hello. Eric Lassard, please. 64 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:09,219 This is Commandant Eric Lassard speaking. 65 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,847 - Eric, this is Pete. - Pete? 66 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:13,682 - Your brother. - Pete! 67 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:18,395 How very, very nice of you to call. How's my baby brother? 68 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,565 Just fine, Eric. Actually, not too good. 69 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,526 Oh, what's up? Oh, uh... 70 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,572 Eric, I've got a problem here. 71 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,741 Yeah, we all have our little problems. 72 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,035 Yeah, but this one is serious. 73 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,705 I hope you haven't got a girl into trouble. 74 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:40,917 No. I need to get my hands on some healthy young men. 75 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,920 I guess there are places you could go... 76 00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:48,049 - Certain bars and so on. - Eric, what are you talking about? 77 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,051 Does Margaret know about this? 78 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:53,930 Eric, I'm in trouble here, and I need some new recruits. 79 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:58,101 Oh, well, that's easy. 80 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:02,939 We have some very, very fine young graduates here at the academy. 81 00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:06,401 Come on. Come on. Double time. Double time. 82 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,112 Pick it up. Move it. Move it. 83 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,241 Come on! Move it! Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. 84 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:21,082 Now, Brian, I want you to go straight to class today. 85 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,252 - Why should I? - Because I said so. 86 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:27,297 - Big deal. - You mind your manners, mister. 87 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:33,303 - I don't have to, bird face. - That does it. You're in trouble. 88 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,640 Oh, I'm just really scared. 89 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,773 - Can I help you, ma'am? - Yes, officer. 90 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:48,485 My son Brian is always late for school. Could you speak to him? 91 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:53,114 - Perhaps give him a little scare? TACKLEBERRY: Certainly, ma'am. 92 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,246 Hi, Brian. 93 00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:02,332 It's almost 0800 hours. Time to deploy for school. 94 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,043 I'll go when I'm ready. 95 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,963 You're ready now, mister. 96 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,634 [BRIAN COUGHING] 97 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,470 TACKLEBERRY: Now move it! Move it! Move it! 98 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,683 MOTHER: Thank you, officer. TACKLEBERRY: No problem, ma'am. 99 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:27,148 - It's really no better than television. - I wouldn't know. 100 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,025 I never watch television. 101 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,195 Personally, I don't even own a television. 102 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,198 [IMITATES LOUD MUNCHING] 103 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,378 [ROARING] 104 00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:53,592 [SNORTING] 105 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,389 Hungry, Diane? 106 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,017 [TRUMPETING] 107 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,187 [TRUMPETING] 108 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,025 [SLURPING] 109 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,613 [BELCHES] 110 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,533 For God's sakes, Michael, just take me home. 111 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,535 [TONY WARREN'S "DIRTY WORK" PLAYS OVER RADIO] 112 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,996 Somebody's got to do it 113 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,205 It's dirty work 114 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,583 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 115 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,376 It's dirty work 116 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,213 Somebody got Somebody got to do it 117 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,549 Somebody's got to do it 118 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,262 Hi. How are you? 119 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,891 I must be crazy To do the things I do 120 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:46,895 Workin' all this overtime Takin' care of you 121 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:51,232 One tough assignment Keepin' you in line 122 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,403 Every time I turn around You're playin' with my mind 123 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,073 All the things you put me through 124 00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,991 [HONKING] 125 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:03,536 It's a full-time job loving you Oh 126 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:07,457 It's dirty work Somebody's got to do it 127 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,958 It's dirty work 128 00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:13,922 You know somebody Somebody's got to do it 129 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,800 - Hey, Tim. - Mahoney, what's happening? 130 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,510 - How you doing? - All right! 131 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,970 - Listen, Tim, I got a problem. - What's that? 132 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,807 - There's some guy ripping up my beach. - No! 133 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,266 - Yeah. - Who was it? 134 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:26,601 You! 135 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,646 - Listen, Tim. Do me a favor. - You got it! 136 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,815 - Get off the beach. - You don't got it! 137 00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:35,485 - Come on, Tim, be a good boy. - No way! Out, guys! 138 00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:37,987 So long, fuzz ball! 139 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,825 It's dirty work But somebody's got to do it 140 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,201 It's dirty work 141 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,662 You know that Somebody's got to care 142 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:50,166 It's dirty work It ain't easy 143 00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:51,459 It's dirty work 144 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:56,756 You know somebody Somebody's got to do it 145 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:05,473 [SCREAMING] 146 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,727 Got to do it 147 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,479 [CROWD CHEERING] 148 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,110 Never fool with a fuzz ball. 149 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:27,495 It's a real pleasure to welcome you men, and you, to the 16th Precinct. 150 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:32,959 My brother tells me you're among the finest ever to graduate the academy. 151 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:39,674 The 16th serves and protects what was once a great neighborhood. 152 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:43,178 Unfortunately, a vicious gang has taken over... 153 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:45,764 and they're trying to control the streets. 154 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,725 We don't know who they are or where they come from. 155 00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:52,061 We do know that they are scum. 156 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:55,899 And it is our job to find them and bust them. 157 00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,904 You've all received training in the latest techniques in urban law enforcement. 158 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,616 Any of you have any special skills that I should know about? 159 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:08,745 I just learned to perform an emergency tracheotomy with a steak knife, sir. 160 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:18,588 So these academy rats are gonna save the precinct, right? 161 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:22,717 Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses. 162 00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,763 - That could be arranged, you know. - What do you mean? 163 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:30,767 If they fail, Lassard's out. That makes me the captain. 164 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,604 If I'm captain, I'll need a new watch commander. 165 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,064 So? 166 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:41,027 - So we make sure they fail. - Who? 167 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:45,114 - The new recruits. - Why? 168 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,408 If they fail, Lassard is out. I'm in. 169 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,036 I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. 170 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:53,790 - Oh. - And you know who that's gonna be. 171 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,125 - Who? - You, dickhead. You. 172 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,418 Oh! 173 00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,754 Oh, good idea. 174 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,968 - Not playing with a full deck, are you? - Oh, I don't play cards. 175 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:10,765 I want this to be the best damn Crime Suppression Unit in the city. 176 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:15,144 I want us to stand proud and walk tall. 177 00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,480 More than anything... 178 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:21,276 I want this to be, well... 179 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,361 one big family... 180 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:27,782 with a bunch of brothers and little sister... 181 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,328 and one big mother. 182 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:36,457 Wake up! I am your watch commander. 183 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:40,837 When you foul up, and you will foul up... 184 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:44,299 I'm gonna be there to write up a report. 185 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:48,303 Three bad reports, and you're suspended. 186 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,973 - What is your name? - Hooks, sir. 187 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,349 - Say that again. - Hooks. 188 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:58,813 Hooks. Well, Officer Hooks, can I please see your service revolver? 189 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,357 Don't point that gun at me. 190 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:07,697 - There's no round in the chamber. - I was afraid it might go off. 191 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,992 Oh, heavens to be! It might go off! That's one for Hooks. 192 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:16,164 You're on report. See how it works? It's real simple. 193 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,876 This squad deploys each day at 1000 hours. 194 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,170 [WATCH PLAYS REVEILLE] 195 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,715 Precisely 1000 hours. 196 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:30,219 Since you boys and girls are only rookies... 197 00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:33,556 you will be assigned a veteran officer... 198 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,184 who will write up a report. 199 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,519 [WATCH PLAYS REVEILLE] 200 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,773 Okay, read the assignments. 201 00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:44,859 - Fackler! - Yes, sir. 202 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:48,279 Officer Fackler. The gentleman on your right is Officer Dooley. 203 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,657 A fine man. He's gonna teach you a lot. 204 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,868 PROCTOR: Tackleberry? - Yes, sir, sir! 205 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:58,873 Officer Tackleberry. You're trained for motorcycle duty? 206 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,209 Yes, sir! 207 00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:05,171 You've got it. Meet Officer Kirkland at the motor pool. 208 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:11,052 - Thank you, sir! - Well, get going. Yeah! Go, go, go, go. 209 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,763 - Hightower. - Yo! 210 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,891 - Yo? - Yo, sir. 211 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,770 Yo, sir! Must be from the South. It's, "Yes, sir." 212 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,940 You got foot patrol. Okay, that's it. 213 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:27,443 - Thank you for your patience. - What about me? Don't I get a car? 214 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,946 "What about me, sir? Don't I get a car?" 215 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,199 You don't get a car. You get yourself a nice little desk... 216 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:38,705 with a nice little chair, in a nice little office, for your nice little voice. 217 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:46,087 - Asshole. MAUSER: That's two. 218 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,802 Chest, 48. 219 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,265 Waist, 44. 220 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,310 - Outseam, 39. - Hey, can I have that giraffe? 221 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,854 - No. - Oh. 222 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:08,860 I got an idea. 223 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,113 - How's about for a Snickers bar? - You got it. 224 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,991 Oh. Thanks. 225 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,331 WOMAN: Overall, 48. 226 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,298 Next. 227 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,471 Please take off your gun belt. 228 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:44,353 Chest, 37. 229 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:49,192 Waist, 32. Okay, turn around. 230 00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:56,824 Please be gentle. 231 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:05,208 Jones, got you figured for an asshole. 232 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,294 I don't take shit from you people. I'm not gonna start. 233 00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:12,048 Don't think, don't talk, don't breathe unless I tell you. Understand? 234 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,550 - Yes, sir. - All right. 235 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:17,053 We're gonna get along just fine. 236 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,934 [IMITATES TIRE KNOCKING] 237 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,104 - Did you hear that? - No, sir. 238 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:33,694 Doggone it! We got ourselves a flat tire. Get out and check your side. 239 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:39,200 Mine's okay. How's yours? 240 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,369 Fine, sir. 241 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,129 [JONES IMITATES FLAT TIRE] 242 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:52,880 OFFICER: There it goes again. 243 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:02,265 Officer Eugene Tackleberry reporting for duty, sir! 244 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:04,600 Officer Kathleen Kirkland... 245 00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,895 and I appreciate you not calling me sir. 246 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:18,239 All right. Mount up, Tackleberry. Let's go. 247 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,251 Oh, this neighborhood ain't so bad. 248 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,129 You know the secret to being a good cop? 249 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:36,591 You gotta get to know the people. 250 00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:41,095 - Yo, man, you got a match? - Sure. Here. Keep the pack. 251 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,765 - Thank you. - Good. Very good! 252 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,603 That's the idea, son. You gotta build up trust with the people. 253 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:51,105 Then they'll respect you. Know what I mean? 254 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:55,443 - Mm-hm. - Give me two of them glazed doughnuts. 255 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,278 I'll have a chocolate. 256 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,280 [SQUEAKING] 257 00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:03,826 Excuse me, sir. Officer Carey Mahoney reporting for duty, sir. 258 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:08,289 Oh, Officer Mahoney. It's nice of you to drop by. 259 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:11,000 - I missed you earlier. - Had to get a new uniform. 260 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:16,297 Oh, good. Good. We can't face the public naked, can we? 261 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,966 That's right. Where would we hang our handcuffs? 262 00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:23,846 That's cute. I like an officer with a sense of humor. 263 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,976 I like you too, sir. 264 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,312 I admire a guy who's not ashamed to floss. 265 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,650 You know, sir, oral hygiene is something too many big-city cops overlook. 266 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:36,984 MAUSER: Hm. 267 00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:41,489 Oh, good. Good. So you like hygiene, huh? 268 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,950 Then you're gonna like your new partner: 269 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:46,577 Officer Vinnie Schtulman. 270 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:08,099 Hello? Hello? 271 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,517 [WATER RUNNING] 272 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,852 MAHONEY: Hello. MAN: Who is it? 273 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,688 Carey Mahoney, your new partner. 274 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,856 - Come on in. Come on in. - Thanks. 275 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:19,402 - Make yourself at home. - Alrighty. Alrighty. 276 00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:25,366 - Don't sit in the broken chair. - Right. I got it. I saw it. I saw it. 277 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,535 - Would you like breakfast? I got eggs. - No. 278 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:32,498 I'm fine. I'll get something later. Tetanus shot, maybe. 279 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:37,712 - This is an excellent place you got here. - Thanks. I decorated it myself. 280 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:41,090 - Hey! Vinnie Schtulman. - I got peanut butter on my hand. 281 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:43,884 - I like peanut butter. - Mahoney. Nice to meet you. 282 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:47,430 Hey, would it be okay if I eat real quick? 283 00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,390 - Yeah, go ahead. - Thanks. 284 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:53,436 Next to lunch and dinner, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 285 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,564 Oh, jeez. Bunky. 286 00:21:56,732 --> 00:22:02,236 Bunky, how many times I gotta tell you? The litter box! The litter box! 287 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,078 - You sure you don't want any? - I'm on a diet. 288 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:15,333 - Want me to lock the door? - No, neighbors might borrow something. 289 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:19,295 - It's gonna be great having a new partner. - I was thinking about it... 290 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,796 I hope Lou's not jealous. 291 00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:22,757 [DOG BARKING] 292 00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:33,809 SERVER: Hey. Your pastrami's ready. 293 00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:36,979 MAN: Did you put the mayo on that? 294 00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:41,150 You've been quiet. I take it you don't like your assignment. 295 00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:45,279 - That's affirmative. - Is it because I'm a woman? 296 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:49,450 I decline to answer that question out of respect for your gender. 297 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:54,622 I'll take care of myself. You just cover your own ass. 298 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,707 TACKLEBERRY: That's a nice piece. 299 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,628 I was referring to your side arm. 300 00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:04,340 - Oh. - May I? 301 00:23:06,301 --> 00:23:07,843 KIRKLAND: Sure. 302 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,971 It's a Colt Python. 303 00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:17,144 - What kind of load do you use? - 158-grain semi-wadcutter manstoppers. 304 00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:19,814 Sensible weapon. 305 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:24,902 I use a factory-accurized Detonics. 45 Scoremaster. 306 00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,988 It's got the extended barrel, short hammer fall... 307 00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:31,409 and I load with 230-grain full patch rounds. 308 00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:33,869 It's primarily for stopping power. 309 00:23:34,037 --> 00:23:36,539 On the other hand, if you want penetration... 310 00:23:37,707 --> 00:23:41,335 the. 357 will crack the engine block of a truck. 311 00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:45,923 I can see where that would be useful. 312 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:50,010 All right. Touchdown! All right! Good job! 313 00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:53,722 - Give me another one. MAN: Look at the little football players. 314 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:57,268 - Hey! We're playing ball. - Come on, punk. 315 00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,186 - Give it back. - You want the ball? 316 00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:02,356 - Give me the ball! - Here. Go get it! 317 00:24:03,191 --> 00:24:05,151 Whoo! 318 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:11,031 MAN: You never seen a football? - Hey! Hey, copper! 319 00:24:11,199 --> 00:24:13,033 Throw me the ball! 320 00:24:13,743 --> 00:24:18,247 Come on, will you throw it back here? Come on! Give it to me! 321 00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:31,427 - This is not such a bad neighborhood. - This is a great neighborhood. 322 00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:33,053 - Yeah? - I grew up here. 323 00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,388 - No way. - Yeah. 324 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:35,681 - You? - Little kid here. 325 00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:38,100 No way. Little Schtulman running around here? 326 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:40,311 - You were little? - That was me. 327 00:24:41,062 --> 00:24:43,898 We should get Lou out of the truck. He needs exercise. 328 00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:46,901 - We can get him later. - Carey, look at this. 329 00:24:47,068 --> 00:24:50,613 A Nestlé Crunch bar, hardly even been touched. 330 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:54,074 No wonder. Got ants all over it. 331 00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:57,328 - You're not gonna eat that, are you? - You wanna split it? 332 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:58,829 No! 333 00:25:07,797 --> 00:25:13,969 No, no, no. What do you want from me? Blood? Get out! 334 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,014 Be cool, old man. 335 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:23,437 Open the safe. Come on. Hurry up. Open it. 336 00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,319 Come on. Open it up. 337 00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,159 - It always does that. - Hurry. 338 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,369 Yeah. 339 00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:41,038 There. I got it. 340 00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:44,667 Fizzies. 341 00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:47,461 They don't make them anymore. Remember? 342 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,004 MAHONEY: Fizzies? 343 00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,467 Cops! 344 00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,803 Stay down, or you're dead. 345 00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:58,639 - Schtulman, you see a gun? - I saw a gun. 346 00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,641 That's an armed robbery. 347 00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:06,313 - Unit M-15 to base. - This is base. 348 00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:12,319 We've got a 211 at 302 Caroline Street. Please advise. 349 00:26:12,487 --> 00:26:17,866 - M-1, did you read that? - 10-4. Tell them to move in. 350 00:26:18,034 --> 00:26:21,704 HOOKS: Shouldn't they wait for backup? - No, they don't need a backup. 351 00:26:21,871 --> 00:26:25,666 - Do you need a hearing aid? - Move in, M-15. 352 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:28,002 10-4. 353 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:29,878 Come on. Let's go. 354 00:26:34,884 --> 00:26:37,595 Follow me and stay low. 355 00:27:05,081 --> 00:27:06,415 Are you in here? 356 00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:14,089 Vinnie, if they are in here, they're not gonna tell us. 357 00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:21,263 Now, cover me. 358 00:27:34,110 --> 00:27:35,861 Ah! 359 00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:43,160 [GUN FIRING] 360 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:50,000 Whoa! 361 00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:53,504 - Fackler! FACKLER: Mahoney! 362 00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:54,797 Fackler! 363 00:28:28,456 --> 00:28:29,957 Tackleberry! Hold your fire! 364 00:28:30,291 --> 00:28:31,458 [SIREN WAILING] 365 00:28:31,626 --> 00:28:33,043 Mahoney? 366 00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:41,009 SWEETCHUCK: Ah! 367 00:28:41,177 --> 00:28:43,554 Officer Hightower. 368 00:28:43,805 --> 00:28:50,144 - You met Mr. Sweetchuck, I presume? - Mr. Sweetchuck, I'm so sorry. 369 00:28:50,311 --> 00:28:52,479 My store! My store! 370 00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:56,525 We all got here at the same time. 371 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:58,318 We didn't know that we were... 372 00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:00,028 [SWEETCHUCK SCREAMS] 373 00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:02,656 Gentlemen... 374 00:29:03,491 --> 00:29:05,951 you've really outdone yourselves, haven't you? 375 00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:09,830 "Said officers did then discharge their weapons..." 376 00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:12,374 with flagrant disregard for public safety... 377 00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:17,838 causing to be expended some 1200 rounds of ammunition. 378 00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:24,011 "Total damage to the shop: $76,813." 379 00:29:24,179 --> 00:29:28,682 Well, I know that you must be furious. 380 00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:35,355 In all my years as a police officer, I have never seen such gross negligence. 381 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:42,070 - You men have anything to say? - Sir, may I speak? 382 00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:51,872 Captain Lassard, your brother taught us many fine things at the academy. 383 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:56,543 He taught us that a cop can never care too much or try too hard. 384 00:29:57,545 --> 00:30:01,715 I don't know, sir. That's exactly what we did. 385 00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:07,054 - Perhaps we were a bit overzealous. - Overzealous? 386 00:30:07,222 --> 00:30:12,434 That's 1200 rounds. $76,813. 387 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:18,774 If caring is a crime and trying is a felony... 388 00:30:19,442 --> 00:30:21,610 I guess we're all gonna plead guilty. 389 00:30:25,114 --> 00:30:28,826 Mauser, Mahoney is right. 390 00:30:30,286 --> 00:30:32,746 If your men tried as hard as these officers... 391 00:30:32,914 --> 00:30:35,082 we'd have this gang licked in no time. 392 00:30:36,417 --> 00:30:39,670 Good work, men. Keep it up. 393 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,964 See you at the gym. 394 00:30:45,593 --> 00:30:48,095 [SCREAMS] 395 00:30:56,813 --> 00:31:02,818 Attention! I need beer up here. Now! 396 00:31:04,445 --> 00:31:07,823 Okay, look for specials now! Come on! Shop, everybody! 397 00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:11,952 MAN: Shop! Shop! ZED: Safety first! 398 00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,628 [SCREAMING] 399 00:31:33,641 --> 00:31:36,810 Come on! Yeah! Go for it! 400 00:31:39,647 --> 00:31:41,148 [SCREAMS] 401 00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:45,360 What are you, a nut? I'm a vegetarian! 402 00:31:46,362 --> 00:31:50,490 Fruit Loops. They're mine! 403 00:31:58,207 --> 00:32:02,878 Guys! Guys! Come on! Stop, man! Act your age! 404 00:32:19,187 --> 00:32:20,854 Bye, now. 405 00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:28,528 Thank you very much. I found a lot of really, really nice bargains here. 406 00:32:30,198 --> 00:32:32,699 Excuse me, sir, you forgot your stamps! 407 00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:36,703 MAHONEY: Gentlemen, I'd like to propose a toast. 408 00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:40,916 To Lieutenant Mauser. No, no, no... 409 00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:44,378 - Biggest putz of the precinct. - All right. 410 00:32:46,714 --> 00:32:49,257 [GIGGLING AND CHUCKLING] 411 00:32:49,676 --> 00:32:51,259 Mahoney! 412 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,262 Get me another beer, will you? 413 00:32:55,264 --> 00:32:58,058 HIGHTOWER: Is he in trouble? JONES: Good question. 414 00:32:58,434 --> 00:33:01,103 - Tack, what's up? - I need to speak to you, Mahoney. 415 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:04,398 - Okay. What? - It's of a personal nature. 416 00:33:04,565 --> 00:33:07,067 Oh, all right. All right. All right. 417 00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:10,112 Let me buy you a drink, all right? 418 00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:17,244 Art, can I have a beer and milk with ice. Right? 419 00:33:17,412 --> 00:33:20,455 - Okay. How about a shot? - Yeah, that'll be fine. 420 00:33:21,082 --> 00:33:22,416 So, what's up, Tack? 421 00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:26,253 It's Kirkland. My partner. 422 00:33:26,421 --> 00:33:30,340 Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're a lucky guy. She's a fox. 423 00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:33,260 - That's affirmative. - Oh, yeah. 424 00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:35,512 With regards to Kirkland... 425 00:33:36,597 --> 00:33:38,473 Something you need? 426 00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:42,602 With regards to Kirkland... 427 00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:45,022 - What? - Well, I... 428 00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:47,274 - I think I'm... - You think what? 429 00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:50,444 - Well, I might... - Tack, what? Spell it out. 430 00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:54,281 Lincoln, Ocean, Victor, Edward. 431 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:59,661 Love? Eugene, you're in love! You little devil! 432 00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:02,122 You're in love. That's great! 433 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:05,542 - Let's keep this 10-35, okay? - Oh. 434 00:34:06,127 --> 00:34:08,503 Of course, of course. Between you and me. 435 00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:11,757 You and Kirkland? So she have the hots for you too? 436 00:34:11,924 --> 00:34:13,467 I don't know. 437 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:18,138 I'm inexperienced in matters of a romantic nature. 438 00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:21,641 Tack, you've been with women before. 439 00:34:21,809 --> 00:34:24,019 - Well, I... - You've had one woman before. 440 00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:27,481 - Well, not really. - I've seen you walking with girls. 441 00:34:27,648 --> 00:34:28,857 To be precise... 442 00:34:29,025 --> 00:34:31,693 You're 28 years old. You're a man of the world... 443 00:34:31,861 --> 00:34:33,528 Mahoney, I'm a virgin! 444 00:34:40,203 --> 00:34:42,996 Go about your business, or I'll crack some heads! 445 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,417 - Proctor! - Oh, lieutenant, I was looking for you. 446 00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:51,379 I have the pictures of the fruits drunk at the bar, like you asked. 447 00:34:51,547 --> 00:34:56,343 The composition's a little off, but, sir, you can clearly see those fruits are drunk. 448 00:34:56,511 --> 00:35:01,181 Who asked for fruits drunk at a bar? I asked for new recruits drunk at the bar. 449 00:35:01,349 --> 00:35:03,183 Recruits? 450 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:07,521 Lieutenant, I majored in art. I could put a uniform on this guy. 451 00:35:07,688 --> 00:35:10,732 - It would look like Hightower. - What are you, losing it? 452 00:35:10,900 --> 00:35:12,609 Just get me Mahoney. 453 00:35:12,819 --> 00:35:16,029 - Should I save these? - Get me Mahoney! 454 00:35:16,197 --> 00:35:19,407 Look at this, look at this. I got nothing here, I got nothing. 455 00:35:19,575 --> 00:35:22,202 - Tack, would you mind? I got a life. - Mahoney! 456 00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:26,248 Lieutenant Mauser wants to see you. Pronto! 457 00:35:27,250 --> 00:35:30,919 Bom-bom-bom-bom 458 00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:37,259 Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine. 459 00:35:37,426 --> 00:35:39,553 MAHONEY: You wanted to see me, sir? 460 00:35:39,887 --> 00:35:42,055 Didn't your mother teach you how to knock? 461 00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:46,268 It depends. Sir, I hope this isn't gonna be too personal. 462 00:35:46,435 --> 00:35:48,728 I heard what you said about my little butt. 463 00:35:48,896 --> 00:35:51,773 I don't know how to break this to you, but I'm straight. 464 00:35:53,568 --> 00:35:56,361 You know, you're very funny, you know that, Mahoney? 465 00:35:56,529 --> 00:35:59,406 Every year, we get a rookie who thinks he's a comedian. 466 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:04,077 Well, Mr. Comedian... 467 00:36:04,453 --> 00:36:06,288 see if you think this is funny. 468 00:36:07,623 --> 00:36:09,291 It's your new assignment. 469 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,585 [CHUCKLING] 470 00:36:14,797 --> 00:36:17,132 [ENGINE BACKFIRING] 471 00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:19,259 [COUGHING] 472 00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:22,596 What are we supposed to be doing here? 473 00:36:22,763 --> 00:36:24,681 In case somebody's car stops... 474 00:36:24,891 --> 00:36:27,309 we save them from carbon monoxide poisoning. 475 00:36:27,476 --> 00:36:28,935 MAHONEY: Who's gonna save us? 476 00:36:29,103 --> 00:36:30,437 [LAUGHING] 477 00:36:31,314 --> 00:36:34,149 I guess it can get kind of boring, huh? 478 00:36:35,109 --> 00:36:37,944 Hey, Lou! Lou, wanna play catch? Here! 479 00:36:38,112 --> 00:36:40,280 Go get it. Go get it, Lou. 480 00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:41,489 [BARKING] 481 00:36:41,657 --> 00:36:43,283 [TIRES SCREECHING] 482 00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:46,036 [CARS CRASHING] 483 00:36:49,916 --> 00:36:51,833 Lou! 484 00:36:54,003 --> 00:36:55,837 Yeah. Good catch, Lou. 485 00:36:56,797 --> 00:36:58,924 [POP MUSIC PLAYS OVER RADIO] 486 00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,968 Silk stockings 487 00:37:06,974 --> 00:37:09,476 [BELL RINGING] 488 00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:22,155 FACKLER: Uh... 489 00:37:23,699 --> 00:37:25,325 Excuse me? 490 00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:31,081 - Could I use your restroom, please? - You buying gas? 491 00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:32,999 No. 492 00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:35,543 Then pee somewheres else. 493 00:37:35,711 --> 00:37:41,758 - Look, this is a police emergency. - Okay. Take the key. 494 00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:49,557 Hey, don't run away with that. 495 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:51,518 LASSARD: The key to forming... 496 00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:55,021 a successful citizen's watch group is communication. 497 00:37:55,189 --> 00:37:57,232 I want you to think of this precinct... 498 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,402 as the hub of a miniature communications network... 499 00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:06,866 stretching from each of your homes to every officer, on duty and very dirty. 500 00:38:10,496 --> 00:38:13,540 - Lou, let's get something to eat. - Anybody got any aspirin? 501 00:38:13,708 --> 00:38:15,625 I've got a headache that's not gonna quit. 502 00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:18,920 [MAUSER HUMMING] 503 00:38:19,088 --> 00:38:22,215 Oh, well, look at this, here. It's the Jones Boys. 504 00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:24,926 Holy mackerel there, Mahoney. 505 00:38:25,386 --> 00:38:27,220 What did you do, suck up a bus? 506 00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:28,555 [LOU GROWLING] 507 00:38:28,723 --> 00:38:33,143 Lou, you don't like me, and I'm not crazy about you. 508 00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:37,063 Schtulman, you keep him away from me. 509 00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:38,898 I'll be in the shower if you need me. 510 00:38:39,066 --> 00:38:40,734 [MAUSER CHUCKLING] 511 00:38:43,612 --> 00:38:46,281 Hey, Mahoney, do me a favor. 512 00:38:46,907 --> 00:38:49,284 Keep shaking this stuff so I can fix my helmet. 513 00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:52,537 - What did you do, crack it? - Yeah, I gotta put that on it. 514 00:38:52,705 --> 00:38:55,248 MAHONEY: Some sort of a glue? - It's epoxy resin. 515 00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:59,294 - You mean, when it hardens, it... - It turns into plastic. 516 00:38:59,462 --> 00:39:01,463 - How long does it take? - A few seconds. 517 00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:03,631 - How long does it last? - A few years. 518 00:39:05,259 --> 00:39:07,135 [WATER RUNNING] 519 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:11,097 [SINGING] And someday 520 00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:13,516 I'm gonna be captain 521 00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:17,979 And every rookie will go down on his knee 522 00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:22,400 And they'll be nothing but slaves just for me 523 00:39:22,943 --> 00:39:27,781 Yeah, they will be slaves just for me 524 00:39:27,948 --> 00:39:31,159 Yeah, baby, slaves Slaves, I said, yeah 525 00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:35,038 And they'll say "Captain Mauser" 526 00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:39,084 Yowza, yowza Oh, yeah 527 00:39:39,251 --> 00:39:41,836 Oh, yeah Oh 528 00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:43,088 Oh 529 00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:44,839 Oh 530 00:39:45,007 --> 00:39:46,049 Oh 531 00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,467 Hey. 532 00:39:48,135 --> 00:39:49,511 Hey! 533 00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:53,473 Hey! Wait a minute! 534 00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:57,143 My hand got stuck to my head! Hey, who's fooling around? 535 00:39:57,311 --> 00:40:00,105 What the fuck? Okay. 536 00:40:00,272 --> 00:40:03,691 Okay. Let's not fool around, fellas. 537 00:40:03,859 --> 00:40:05,735 It's me, and I'm not kidding around. 538 00:40:05,903 --> 00:40:09,823 I want someone to take this out of my hair! Is that you, Schtulman? 539 00:40:09,990 --> 00:40:12,200 I'm not kidding around! Now, give me a hand. 540 00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:18,039 That ain't funny. That's very childish. All right, cut it out! 541 00:40:18,207 --> 00:40:20,542 You're acting like children. Children! 542 00:40:20,709 --> 00:40:24,337 Now, somebody, just pull my hands out off my head now! 543 00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:26,256 Who's in here? 544 00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:30,218 Who's that? Who's that? I'll remember that voice. 545 00:40:30,386 --> 00:40:32,679 If I remember that voice, you guys are dead. 546 00:40:32,847 --> 00:40:36,766 Dead! D-E-A-D! Dead! Is somebody here? Okay, who is this? 547 00:40:36,934 --> 00:40:38,017 [JONES IMITATES LOU] 548 00:40:38,185 --> 00:40:42,564 MAUSER: All right, Lou. Come on, Lou. No, Lou, don't bite me there. Lou. 549 00:40:42,940 --> 00:40:47,569 Lou. Please, Lou. Lou, please. Lou. 550 00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:50,029 Oh, no. Oh, no, Lou. Lou. Good dog, Lou. 551 00:40:51,866 --> 00:40:54,075 Oh, no! Oh, no, Lou! No, Lou! 552 00:40:54,368 --> 00:40:56,744 [TYPEWRITER KEYS TAPPING] 553 00:40:57,204 --> 00:41:04,085 All right. Open that door now! Hey, you. I'm not kidding here! 554 00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:12,927 Well... 555 00:41:13,095 --> 00:41:14,387 [CHUCKLES] 556 00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,601 What's the matter, you never saw a man wash his hair before? 557 00:41:19,977 --> 00:41:21,561 Oh. 558 00:41:21,729 --> 00:41:23,062 Captain Lassard. 559 00:41:23,564 --> 00:41:25,690 I'll be in my room if you need me. 560 00:41:27,276 --> 00:41:29,194 Proctor! 561 00:41:29,612 --> 00:41:31,779 Proctor! 562 00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:34,991 PROCTOR: Oh, this is gonna be just fine. MAUSER: Yeah? 563 00:41:35,201 --> 00:41:37,952 Wait, one snip here. Let me get by the thumb. 564 00:41:40,122 --> 00:41:42,582 - Yeah? - Oh, that's... That looks very natural. 565 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,501 - Looks okay? - It's very, very good. 566 00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:47,587 I don't think you'll be able to tell the difference. 567 00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:50,798 I'll bet you anything it was Mahoney responsible for this. 568 00:41:50,966 --> 00:41:54,093 After I'm through, just let me shape this a little bit... 569 00:41:54,261 --> 00:41:58,306 and I think you're gonna really be happy with what we've got here. 570 00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:00,225 - Yeah? Let me see it. - Sure. 571 00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:02,101 Okay. 572 00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:04,145 Huh? Huh? 573 00:42:04,313 --> 00:42:07,357 Just look at it in the back here. Look at it over here. 574 00:42:07,525 --> 00:42:09,859 Could I have the mirror, please? 575 00:42:10,486 --> 00:42:11,861 Sure. 576 00:42:14,823 --> 00:42:16,449 Lieutenant? 577 00:42:18,118 --> 00:42:19,494 Sir? 578 00:42:19,662 --> 00:42:21,829 [WHIMPERING] 579 00:42:23,165 --> 00:42:25,667 No, no, no. We'll get a wig. 580 00:42:25,834 --> 00:42:28,962 Have you seen the state-of-the-art in wigs today, sir? 581 00:42:29,129 --> 00:42:31,172 What the hell are you talking about? 582 00:42:31,340 --> 00:42:33,341 What am I gonna do about this? 583 00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:51,317 BOY 1: Hey, what you doing? BOY 2: Leave me alone, lady, please? 584 00:42:58,993 --> 00:43:00,535 Well... 585 00:43:03,372 --> 00:43:06,332 This is just what I've been looking for. 586 00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:11,588 - I'm not afraid of you punks. MAN: Come on, man. Come on! 587 00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:14,841 - Right here. - Where are you going? 588 00:43:15,009 --> 00:43:17,844 - I ain't going nowhere. - Come on, I'll take you all on. 589 00:43:18,178 --> 00:43:21,347 Come on, I want you. I'm not afraid of a wallet thief. 590 00:43:21,515 --> 00:43:23,516 - Now it's just you and me. MAN: You and me. 591 00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:25,435 Okay, come on. Come on. 592 00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:27,854 Come on. I'm tired of talking to you, punk. 593 00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:30,565 I wanna dance. I wanna get my hands on you. 594 00:43:30,733 --> 00:43:33,735 MAN: Yeah. You ready to talk to me now? Come on. Show me. 595 00:43:34,236 --> 00:43:35,903 Teach me. 596 00:43:37,364 --> 00:43:39,407 Okay, one at a time. Put me down! 597 00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:43,369 - Come on, put me down. MAN: Oh, we'll put you down, all right. 598 00:43:44,580 --> 00:43:46,414 At this point in time... 599 00:43:46,582 --> 00:43:50,209 yours truly was the object of a malicious prank. 600 00:43:51,879 --> 00:43:53,212 Now... 601 00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:57,383 can anybody in here tell me how this happened? 602 00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,887 I can, sir. And if you don't stop that, you could go blind. 603 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:03,723 [CHUCKLING] 604 00:44:04,099 --> 00:44:06,559 You think that's funny, don't you, Mahoney? 605 00:44:06,769 --> 00:44:09,437 Well, you're on report. Put him on report. 606 00:44:09,938 --> 00:44:15,610 We are not gonna leave this room until we find out what happened. 607 00:44:15,778 --> 00:44:18,154 - What happened? - What's going on here? 608 00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:20,573 Nothing. I was just reprimanding the men. 609 00:44:20,741 --> 00:44:23,493 LASSARD: To hell with your reprimands. - You don't understand. 610 00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:27,455 - Shut up, I have something to say. - Would you take a look at my hands? 611 00:44:28,082 --> 00:44:30,249 I think that's a matter of personal hygiene. 612 00:44:30,417 --> 00:44:32,585 - I am talking about public safety. - Yes, sir. 613 00:44:33,087 --> 00:44:36,798 Now listen up, everybody. This is serious. 614 00:44:39,009 --> 00:44:40,510 We've gotta do something. 615 00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:43,763 This is war! Now, we didn't start it... 616 00:44:43,931 --> 00:44:46,265 but we are going to finish it. 617 00:44:46,433 --> 00:44:48,768 I don't care if we work time and a half... 618 00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:51,437 I don't care if we have to work double time... 619 00:44:51,605 --> 00:44:55,775 but mark my words, we are gonna nail these punks, starting now! 620 00:44:55,943 --> 00:44:58,444 - We can get them! - Yeah! 621 00:44:58,612 --> 00:44:59,987 Let's kick ass! 622 00:45:01,990 --> 00:45:03,825 TACKLEBERRY: Freeze! KIRKLAND: Freeze! 623 00:45:04,451 --> 00:45:05,827 Cuff them. 624 00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:09,789 I can't. I forgot my cuffs. They're on the bike. 625 00:45:10,457 --> 00:45:11,999 No problem. 626 00:45:21,844 --> 00:45:25,638 Hey, hey. Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, but can I go to the wedding? 627 00:45:25,806 --> 00:45:29,475 I mean, I've got a gift. Look. Remote. Huh? 628 00:45:32,521 --> 00:45:34,480 [CLEARS THROAT] 629 00:45:37,025 --> 00:45:38,860 Excuse me. 630 00:45:40,028 --> 00:45:44,532 - I don't think you should be doing that. - What you gonna do about it? 631 00:45:44,825 --> 00:45:48,828 - I have to arrest you or something. - You don't wanna use that. 632 00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,830 Look, I'm serious. That's my... 633 00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:53,332 Oh, I'm sorry. 634 00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:54,834 Oh, I didn't know... 635 00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,294 [MAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH] 636 00:46:10,517 --> 00:46:12,393 MAN: Zed don't like when you miss payments. 637 00:46:12,561 --> 00:46:13,686 You're late. 638 00:46:15,397 --> 00:46:17,023 JONES: Hey! 639 00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:19,358 That's my greengrocer. 640 00:46:19,693 --> 00:46:21,194 Walk your beat, cop. 641 00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:56,771 - He thinks he's Bruce Lee. - You wanna bet? 642 00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:00,107 Damn you. 643 00:47:00,275 --> 00:47:02,026 Wanna fight, huh? 644 00:47:03,278 --> 00:47:04,570 Fight me! 645 00:47:14,915 --> 00:47:16,165 [LAUGHING] 646 00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:17,583 GREENGROCER: He's very good. 647 00:47:22,589 --> 00:47:24,257 I like this. 648 00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,302 [SCREAMS] 649 00:47:44,069 --> 00:47:46,320 GREENGROCER: Oh! Not on broccoli! 650 00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:06,674 Oh! Not on cauliflower! 651 00:48:10,804 --> 00:48:13,472 MAN 1: Hey, hey. MAN 2: Sweetchuck! 652 00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:16,642 Where you going, man? 653 00:48:16,810 --> 00:48:18,686 Come on, mother. 654 00:48:20,314 --> 00:48:22,189 Come on! Come on back here, man! 655 00:48:22,482 --> 00:48:24,901 [TANGO MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 656 00:48:34,119 --> 00:48:36,704 MAN 1: Come, he ran in here! MAN 2: We got him surrounded! 657 00:48:40,208 --> 00:48:41,876 Hey. 658 00:48:42,836 --> 00:48:45,838 [SHOUTING] 659 00:48:46,673 --> 00:48:48,841 Right. Okay, okay. We'll be right there. 660 00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:53,095 There's a huge fight at the Blue Oyster Bar. Should we send the SWAT team? 661 00:48:53,263 --> 00:48:54,555 - No. - No? 662 00:48:54,723 --> 00:48:56,265 You send Mahoney in. 663 00:48:56,767 --> 00:49:00,353 M-15, a 415 in progress at the Blue Oyster Bar. 664 00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:03,189 SCHTULMAN: Blue Oyster? - I'll get the address. Hold on. 665 00:49:03,357 --> 00:49:07,068 - The Blue Oyster Bar is... - 621 Cowan Avenue. 666 00:49:34,262 --> 00:49:35,930 I'm going in. 667 00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:41,310 Coming out! 668 00:49:45,399 --> 00:49:47,191 Hey, Hightower. 669 00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:52,947 Uh... Looks pretty bad in there. 670 00:49:53,281 --> 00:49:54,573 I'm going in. 671 00:49:54,741 --> 00:49:57,326 Oh, no, no, no. Hightower, don't go in there. 672 00:49:57,494 --> 00:50:00,579 He's gonna get himself killed. Hightower! 673 00:50:07,921 --> 00:50:10,464 Put these in the truck. I'll be right back. 674 00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:12,800 He'll be right back. 675 00:50:15,971 --> 00:50:20,307 You have the right to remain silent. The right to a court-appointed attorney. 676 00:50:20,475 --> 00:50:24,103 You have the right to sing the blues. You have the right to cable TV. 677 00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:25,813 You have the right to sublet. 678 00:50:25,981 --> 00:50:28,774 You have the right to paint the walls. No loud colors. 679 00:50:28,942 --> 00:50:31,277 Hightower. Thanks a lot, man. 680 00:50:31,820 --> 00:50:33,112 Anytime. 681 00:50:39,244 --> 00:50:41,287 Y'all be good, now. 682 00:50:53,008 --> 00:50:54,133 MAHONEY: Excuse me. - Yeah. 683 00:50:54,301 --> 00:50:55,551 Could I have your signature? 684 00:50:55,761 --> 00:50:58,637 - Sure. What do you got? - Authorization for a body cavity search. 685 00:50:58,805 --> 00:51:04,143 Listen, each and every one of you men, and you too, of course... 686 00:51:04,311 --> 00:51:06,145 deserve real congratulations. 687 00:51:06,313 --> 00:51:08,814 That's a damn fine piece of police work. Really. 688 00:51:08,982 --> 00:51:10,024 [PHONE RINGING] 689 00:51:10,192 --> 00:51:12,026 I think you'll feel the difference today. 690 00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:14,653 The whole neighborhood is excited about this. 691 00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:16,363 Really. Proctor! 692 00:51:16,531 --> 00:51:18,532 - When this watch is over... PROCTOR: Yeah. 693 00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:21,202 We'll go to the Club & Cuff. Drinks on me. 694 00:51:21,369 --> 00:51:23,704 Captain, Chief Hurst is on the phone. 695 00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:28,542 MAHONEY: We'll leave you alone, sir. - No, no, no. This is for you too, huh? 696 00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:32,379 Lassard. 697 00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:34,548 Yes, sir. 698 00:51:35,008 --> 00:51:38,177 Forty-two arrests, sir. Yes. 699 00:51:39,012 --> 00:51:43,349 Well, I told you these young recruits could take care of the job, sir. 700 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,894 Mm-hm. Here comes Mauser with more good news. Can you hold on? 701 00:51:47,854 --> 00:51:50,439 I'm afraid we had to drop most of the charges. 702 00:51:50,607 --> 00:51:53,400 It appears we had to drop most of the charges? 703 00:51:53,568 --> 00:51:55,194 MAUSER: Improper arrest procedures. 704 00:51:55,362 --> 00:51:58,864 - Unnecessary use of force, sir. - "Unnecessary use of force"? 705 00:51:59,032 --> 00:52:01,075 We had to release the prisoners. 706 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:04,120 Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Will there be anything else? 707 00:52:04,329 --> 00:52:07,748 I'm really sorry. No, I just wanna be alone. 708 00:52:10,418 --> 00:52:12,753 Unnecessary use of force?! 709 00:52:12,921 --> 00:52:16,423 What are they talking about? How are they supposed to do the job? 710 00:52:20,262 --> 00:52:21,846 Mahoney. 711 00:52:22,389 --> 00:52:23,764 Mauser... 712 00:52:23,932 --> 00:52:25,891 I know what you're doing. 713 00:52:26,893 --> 00:52:28,727 Then you better be nice to me, huh? 714 00:52:28,895 --> 00:52:31,564 Because I'm gonna be in charge here soon. 715 00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:34,108 Huh? Huh? Huh. 716 00:52:46,788 --> 00:52:48,998 MAHONEY: Yeah, I'll get to that later. 717 00:52:53,253 --> 00:52:54,920 I'm all right. 718 00:52:56,131 --> 00:52:57,756 I'm trying. 719 00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:05,306 Tack! 720 00:53:05,473 --> 00:53:08,434 Tack, why all dressed up? You look great. 721 00:53:08,602 --> 00:53:10,769 - I got a date with Kirkland. - You little... 722 00:53:10,937 --> 00:53:14,023 Your first date, huh? Good going, good going. 723 00:53:14,191 --> 00:53:17,776 - What you got there, cologne? - No. It's gun oil. 724 00:53:24,784 --> 00:53:27,995 - Where's Mahoney? - Here. 725 00:53:28,622 --> 00:53:30,956 Hey, Mahoney? Somebody here to see you. 726 00:53:31,124 --> 00:53:32,333 - You Mahoney? - Yeah. 727 00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:34,293 - I'm here for the BCS. - BCS? 728 00:53:34,836 --> 00:53:37,504 - Body cavity search. - Oh, right, right, right. 729 00:53:37,672 --> 00:53:39,506 Where is he? 730 00:53:44,804 --> 00:53:46,639 Everybody out. 731 00:53:46,806 --> 00:53:48,432 MAN: Let's get out of here. 732 00:53:51,019 --> 00:53:54,355 Hey! What are you doing? Wait a minute! 733 00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:58,025 - Shut him up. - What are you doing? 734 00:53:58,860 --> 00:54:01,695 Now, just relax, and we'll get along fine. 735 00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:05,241 We'll talk later. 736 00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:27,054 Hello, Tackleberry. 737 00:54:27,722 --> 00:54:29,348 Kirkland. 738 00:54:32,269 --> 00:54:34,019 You look very nice. 739 00:54:35,563 --> 00:54:38,357 Permit me to respond in kind. 740 00:54:38,692 --> 00:54:41,402 I've never seen you in civilian attire before. 741 00:54:41,569 --> 00:54:43,362 - Disappointed? - Oh, negative. 742 00:54:44,739 --> 00:54:47,408 - And you? - Oh, no. 743 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:58,377 Well, almost 1900 hours. Guess we better go. 744 00:54:58,545 --> 00:55:00,045 Right. 745 00:55:02,549 --> 00:55:03,924 Here. 746 00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:05,926 What's this? 747 00:55:06,594 --> 00:55:10,055 TACKLEBERRY: They're ear cuffs. I had them made just for you. 748 00:55:12,934 --> 00:55:14,268 Gift. 749 00:55:16,021 --> 00:55:18,439 [SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS] 750 00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:55,309 KIRKLAND: Good night, Tackleberry. 751 00:55:56,561 --> 00:55:58,437 Good night, Kirkland. 752 00:56:01,816 --> 00:56:03,942 - Tackleberry? - Yes? 753 00:56:05,278 --> 00:56:06,612 I love you. 754 00:56:07,947 --> 00:56:09,782 Ditto. 755 00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,625 - Oh, Eugene. - Oh, Kathleen. 756 00:56:38,103 --> 00:56:39,686 Eugene. 757 00:57:19,394 --> 00:57:21,770 KIRKLAND: Oh, Eugene! 758 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:28,694 [SPEAKS IN JAPANESE] 759 00:57:28,903 --> 00:57:30,446 Good evening. 760 00:57:34,951 --> 00:57:37,369 Oh, excuse, please. 761 00:57:47,422 --> 00:57:49,923 Happy birthday, Pete. 762 00:57:50,425 --> 00:57:52,926 It's not my birthday, Eric. 763 00:57:54,596 --> 00:57:57,222 [CHEF SHOUTING] 764 00:57:57,390 --> 00:57:59,558 Is all that crap necessary? 765 00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:06,231 - You seem a little edgy, Pete. - No, I'm fine. 766 00:58:06,399 --> 00:58:09,902 CHEF: You want chopstick or fork? - How are things at work? 767 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:11,987 Awful. 768 00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:15,282 If I don't do something quick, I'm out of a job. 769 00:58:15,450 --> 00:58:17,451 They're saying I'm too old. 770 00:58:17,619 --> 00:58:19,912 They're saying I'm losing it. 771 00:58:20,079 --> 00:58:23,624 They're saying that I'm paranoid. 772 00:58:24,417 --> 00:58:26,251 They're all out to get me, Eric. 773 00:58:26,419 --> 00:58:28,462 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 774 00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:30,839 - Try to relax. - Ah! 775 00:58:32,008 --> 00:58:34,593 I'm sorry. It's just the strain, that's all. 776 00:58:35,470 --> 00:58:37,971 You stupid bastard! 777 00:58:38,139 --> 00:58:39,723 Excuse me. 778 00:58:41,309 --> 00:58:43,435 Why are you doing this to me? 779 00:58:43,937 --> 00:58:45,312 - Who? - You! 780 00:58:45,605 --> 00:58:48,482 And those rookies you sent me. 781 00:58:48,650 --> 00:58:51,527 All they can do is screw up. 782 00:58:51,736 --> 00:58:57,157 The neighborhood is turning against us. They're coming at me from all directions. 783 00:58:57,325 --> 00:58:58,659 That would be normal. 784 00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:01,954 Why don't you do something? 785 00:59:02,121 --> 00:59:04,998 - Like what? - Well... 786 00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:08,168 something to reassure the neighborhood. 787 00:59:09,003 --> 00:59:12,798 A special show of police involvement for the neighborhood. 788 00:59:13,341 --> 00:59:15,467 A street fair. 789 00:59:17,512 --> 00:59:19,304 A street fair. 790 00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:24,309 Eric, that's a brilliant idea. 791 00:59:25,186 --> 00:59:27,312 What's a big brother for? 792 00:59:33,987 --> 00:59:37,155 - This fish is boiling. - Oh, you want stir-fry? 793 00:59:40,535 --> 00:59:42,786 [CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS] 794 00:59:49,711 --> 00:59:53,589 Step right up! It's so simple even a quarterback can do it. 795 00:59:53,798 --> 00:59:55,507 - You look like a quarterback. - Me? 796 00:59:55,675 --> 00:59:57,092 HIGHTOWER: Yeah. - Hold this? 797 00:59:57,302 --> 00:59:59,219 HIGHTOWER: I'll hold your cotton candy. 798 00:59:59,387 --> 01:00:01,430 I know you can do it. Come on. 799 01:00:01,598 --> 01:00:03,849 Get it up on your shoulder. 800 01:00:14,944 --> 01:00:17,362 [JONES IMITATES MACHINE] 801 01:00:20,533 --> 01:00:22,909 Thank you, Mrs. Mayor. 802 01:00:23,077 --> 01:00:27,080 Now, this broom is just a symbol of the new spirit... 803 01:00:27,248 --> 01:00:31,209 that's sweeping across our neighborhood. 804 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:40,427 And so, Mrs. Mayor, perhaps you'll join with me... 805 01:00:40,595 --> 01:00:44,723 in sweeping the crime off our streets for good. 806 01:00:51,648 --> 01:00:57,944 - What's going on here? - Cops are having a fair. 807 01:00:58,946 --> 01:01:01,239 - What for? - They're trying to raise money... 808 01:01:01,407 --> 01:01:04,076 to clean up the neighborhood. 809 01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:07,454 That's awful nice of them. 810 01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:10,415 Are they gonna have games and prizes and rides? 811 01:01:10,583 --> 01:01:13,085 Yeah! 812 01:01:13,252 --> 01:01:17,589 - Are they gonna have a Ferris wheel? - They got a big one. 813 01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:21,635 Ah! I hate Ferris wheels! 814 01:01:23,096 --> 01:01:26,682 - I got a bad stomach. Make me sick. ALL: Aw... 815 01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:30,143 - You don't have to ride on it. ALL: No! 816 01:01:30,311 --> 01:01:36,441 - Well, I'll go on it if you go on with me. - Okay. 817 01:01:36,609 --> 01:01:41,405 - Let's go have some fun. ALL: Yeah! 818 01:01:57,630 --> 01:01:59,631 [WOMAN SCREAMING] 819 01:02:02,051 --> 01:02:03,969 It's mayhem. 820 01:02:17,817 --> 01:02:20,652 - Hi, are you the mayor? - Yes. Yes, I am. 821 01:02:20,820 --> 01:02:23,697 - I voted for you. - Oh, that was very nice of you. 822 01:02:23,948 --> 01:02:28,535 - I know when I'm whipped. - Sir, that's not like you. 823 01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:31,997 - Who's taking over? Don't tell me. PROCTOR: Mahoney. 824 01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:35,876 Captain Mauser wants to see you in the squad room. Now. 825 01:02:39,005 --> 01:02:44,843 From this moment on, I am the de facto commander of this precinct. 826 01:02:47,346 --> 01:02:53,185 My name is Captain Mauser. Captain. 827 01:02:55,271 --> 01:02:57,189 On Thursday last... 828 01:02:57,356 --> 01:03:03,236 yours truly was the object of a disgusting personal attack. 829 01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:10,410 And I would like to have some names. 830 01:03:10,578 --> 01:03:12,537 Just some names. 831 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,586 Okay. 832 01:03:19,754 --> 01:03:25,884 Have it your way. But I will suspend every single one of you! 833 01:03:28,888 --> 01:03:30,764 Sir. 834 01:03:32,308 --> 01:03:33,600 I did it. 835 01:03:39,023 --> 01:03:41,066 Mahoney. 836 01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:43,610 Mahoney? 837 01:03:43,778 --> 01:03:48,782 - What kind of clown do you think I am? - A juggling clown? 838 01:03:49,242 --> 01:03:52,244 - You're suspended. Indefinitely! Sit down! - You can't do that. 839 01:03:52,411 --> 01:03:54,329 - What? - You suspend him, you suspend me. 840 01:03:54,539 --> 01:03:58,917 My pleasure. Sit down, smelly. 841 01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:02,462 We don't know where they come from, where they hide out. 842 01:04:02,630 --> 01:04:05,757 We don't even know who their leader is. 843 01:04:06,259 --> 01:04:10,595 - God, would I like to nail that bunch. - I would love to get my job back. 844 01:04:11,264 --> 01:04:15,267 I say we do what Baretta would do. 845 01:04:15,434 --> 01:04:16,810 Baretta? 846 01:04:17,270 --> 01:04:20,522 - What? - Go undercover. 847 01:04:20,690 --> 01:04:23,441 Infiltrate the gang. Get their confidence. 848 01:04:23,609 --> 01:04:27,863 - Schtulman. - You think you could do that? 849 01:04:30,449 --> 01:04:32,200 No. 850 01:04:34,287 --> 01:04:35,954 But he could. 851 01:04:39,125 --> 01:04:41,001 - He's right. - No. 852 01:04:41,168 --> 01:04:43,545 You're young enough. 853 01:04:43,713 --> 01:04:46,464 Hell, you even look like one of the little creeps. 854 01:04:46,632 --> 01:04:50,135 - He's talking about a television show. - Mahoney, here's the deal. 855 01:04:50,303 --> 01:04:53,847 Now, I can't pay you a salary, can't even give you expenses. 856 01:04:54,473 --> 01:04:58,977 If you get yourself in a jam, I might not be able to bail you out. 857 01:04:59,145 --> 01:05:01,521 - Could be dangerous. - You could get killed. 858 01:05:02,648 --> 01:05:03,982 LASSARD: He's right. 859 01:05:07,028 --> 01:05:10,030 Sounds awfully tempting. 860 01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:12,908 [MEOWING] 861 01:05:17,330 --> 01:05:19,664 [CAN CLANGING] 862 01:05:21,375 --> 01:05:24,002 [MUMBLING] 863 01:05:35,139 --> 01:05:37,349 [SCREAMING] 864 01:05:53,574 --> 01:05:58,411 Get out of there! He'll call you back! 865 01:06:01,749 --> 01:06:04,793 I said, he'll call you back! 866 01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:08,546 - Hey, man! Hey, man, what you doing? - Ah! 867 01:06:10,216 --> 01:06:12,300 - Nothing. FLACKO: Why'd you mess up the phone? 868 01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:15,261 I felt like it. Don't sit so close! 869 01:06:15,429 --> 01:06:18,765 - I'm Flacko. This is my man Mojo. MOJO: What do they call you, man? 870 01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:22,644 - Jughead! Jughead! - Me and Mojo, we're with the Scullions. 871 01:06:22,812 --> 01:06:25,397 - Who do you run with? - The Archies. The Archies. 872 01:06:25,564 --> 01:06:29,484 - I ain't never heard of no Archies. - Used to be the Fudpuckers. 873 01:06:29,694 --> 01:06:33,446 - Yeah, I think I know some Fudpuckers. - Don't press your luck! 874 01:06:33,614 --> 01:06:36,074 - Hey, you should be with us. - Oh, yeah? Why? 875 01:06:36,242 --> 01:06:38,743 - Because we the baddest. - You the baddest. 876 01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:42,247 - How do I get to be a Scallion? - Scullion, not Scallion. 877 01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:45,792 What's the difference? You're lucky you're sitting with me. 878 01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:47,002 We get you in. 879 01:06:47,211 --> 01:06:48,253 [SIREN WAILING] 880 01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:51,423 Here comes the Man. Watch your feet, he's gonna run them over. 881 01:06:55,428 --> 01:06:56,469 [CHUCKLING] 882 01:06:56,637 --> 01:06:59,014 Well, my, my. 883 01:06:59,306 --> 01:07:01,099 Hello. What are you boys up to, huh? 884 01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:03,309 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 885 01:07:03,477 --> 01:07:05,770 Know anything about destruction of property? 886 01:07:05,938 --> 01:07:09,441 MOJO: Man, we ain't done nothing. - Oh, you ain't? Oh, my, look at that. 887 01:07:09,608 --> 01:07:11,526 Put them against the wall. You too, chico. 888 01:07:11,736 --> 01:07:14,279 Come on, get over there! Spread your legs! 889 01:07:14,447 --> 01:07:16,281 Come on! 890 01:07:16,949 --> 01:07:19,784 What do you think you're doing? Come on! Spread them! 891 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:24,330 Don't move! Don't move! Shut up! Get out of the car. 892 01:07:25,958 --> 01:07:30,128 Come over here. Toss out your gun. Now we're gonna have a little fun. 893 01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:34,340 Know what I mean? A little fun. Now you spread them. You spread them. 894 01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:39,012 - Now kick him. Yeah, kick him. - Ow! 895 01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:41,973 You like that? Kick him again. And harder. 896 01:07:43,684 --> 01:07:47,687 - You're crazy. - You like that? Hold it. Hey, Jones. 897 01:07:47,855 --> 01:07:52,025 That's it, that's it, that's it. All right. Now get away from the car. 898 01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:53,818 Get away from the car. 899 01:07:53,986 --> 01:07:58,823 Who's this guy? This guy giving us lip? Maybe we should give him a little lip. 900 01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:02,202 You like that? How about some more? 901 01:08:04,663 --> 01:08:06,372 Hey, get out of here. Get out of here. 902 01:08:06,540 --> 01:08:07,707 [SIREN WAILING] 903 01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:10,585 Hope you're all right, sir. What do you think? 904 01:08:10,795 --> 01:08:13,213 Beautiful, baby. 905 01:08:15,007 --> 01:08:19,719 MAN: There's the little girl. Come, June. KIRKLAND: This is my big brother, Bud. 906 01:08:19,887 --> 01:08:22,180 - Hi, Mom. TACKLEBERRY: Hi, Bud. 907 01:08:22,348 --> 01:08:23,890 FATHER: Hi, little girl. - Daddy! 908 01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:28,436 FATHER: So you're gonna leave Daddy? KIRKLAND: This is Eugene. 909 01:08:28,604 --> 01:08:30,522 Hi, Tackleberry. [CRACKING] 910 01:08:30,689 --> 01:08:33,942 - Good grip. - I better check the roast. 911 01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:37,070 FATHER: Yeah, check the roast, sweetheart! 912 01:08:38,030 --> 01:08:40,615 Hey, come on. Sit down. 913 01:08:41,742 --> 01:08:43,618 Uh-huh. 914 01:08:43,828 --> 01:08:47,705 My little girl here tells me that you're into self-defense. 915 01:08:47,873 --> 01:08:50,792 - That's quite correct, sir. - Yeah, well... 916 01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:54,754 I was in the South Pacific back in '44, in the Seabees. 917 01:08:55,339 --> 01:08:59,092 Daddy was middleweight champion in the Seabees. 918 01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:03,054 I used to be pretty good at boxing, but my boy is pretty good too. 919 01:09:03,222 --> 01:09:05,390 He was on the high school championship team. 920 01:09:05,558 --> 01:09:06,558 - Huh? - Yeah. 921 01:09:06,725 --> 01:09:09,894 - But I can still take him, right? - I don't know, Dad. Take it easy. 922 01:09:10,062 --> 01:09:11,896 - Come on! - I don't think so, Dad. 923 01:09:12,064 --> 01:09:14,607 Come on. Come on. 924 01:09:14,775 --> 01:09:15,817 [LAUGHING] 925 01:09:15,985 --> 01:09:18,945 BUD: Oh, you all right, Dad? - Hey, pretty good, huh? 926 01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:24,909 - I'm sorry, kid, huh? It's all right, huh? - It's all right. 927 01:09:25,619 --> 01:09:26,911 Good! 928 01:09:34,795 --> 01:09:36,171 Oh! Oh. Oh. 929 01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:42,468 - Are you all right? - Good, huh? That was... 930 01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:50,935 You boys stop that foolishness and come to the table. Dinner's ready! 931 01:09:51,103 --> 01:09:55,523 When these two start at it, they're just a couple of kids. 932 01:09:55,691 --> 01:09:59,527 What do you say? Go have some chow, huh? 933 01:09:59,695 --> 01:10:00,820 Aren't they sweet? 934 01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:04,324 Captain, if you could tape this on him as high as you can. 935 01:10:04,491 --> 01:10:07,118 - Where did you get this thing? - I built it. 936 01:10:07,286 --> 01:10:11,539 - Why does it say "Mr. Microphone"? - It's okay. I made a few modifications. 937 01:10:11,707 --> 01:10:15,627 All right, okay. Sir! Sir, it's a little tight. 938 01:10:15,794 --> 01:10:19,464 - Ah! - Sorry. Okay, hold on. 939 01:10:19,632 --> 01:10:25,970 Look. Tonight, they're taking me to meet the leader of the gang, the head guy. 940 01:10:26,513 --> 01:10:30,350 That's good. As long as this is on, we'll hear every word, right? 941 01:10:30,517 --> 01:10:32,852 - Right. - Do me a favor, and yourself. 942 01:10:33,020 --> 01:10:36,731 Just try to drop a hint now and then as to where you are... 943 01:10:36,941 --> 01:10:39,817 so we can sort of keep track of you, okay? 944 01:10:39,985 --> 01:10:41,569 - Sir? - Yeah. 945 01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:45,823 - You sure this is gonna work? - Will you stop worrying? 946 01:10:46,367 --> 01:10:49,661 MAN OVER RADIO: Mumphrey swings. And it's a home run! 947 01:10:52,581 --> 01:10:55,500 Does that every once in a while. Just give it a tap. 948 01:10:55,668 --> 01:10:57,085 [HONKING] 949 01:10:57,670 --> 01:10:59,712 MAHONEY: Hey! FLACKO: All right. 950 01:10:59,880 --> 01:11:01,839 All right. Hey, it's your shot. 951 01:11:02,174 --> 01:11:03,174 [GLASS BREAKING] 952 01:11:03,342 --> 01:11:05,301 Sorry. Hey, hey, great car. 953 01:11:05,469 --> 01:11:07,178 - Where'd you buy it? - Get in. 954 01:11:07,346 --> 01:11:08,680 - All right. - In the back. 955 01:11:08,847 --> 01:11:11,766 MAHONEY: In the back. - Come on, let's go. 956 01:11:19,066 --> 01:11:23,069 - Hey, man, it's hot. Take off your coat. - No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. 957 01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:27,240 - I like hot. - Damn. Damn! 958 01:11:27,408 --> 01:11:28,449 Where we going? 959 01:11:28,617 --> 01:11:30,743 FLACKO: That's for me to know, you to find out. 960 01:11:30,911 --> 01:11:33,413 MAHONEY: Right, right. I just like to drive. Right. 961 01:11:33,580 --> 01:11:35,623 FLACKO: Wait until you meet Zed. MAHONEY: Zed? 962 01:11:35,791 --> 01:11:37,625 FLACKO: He's the man. MOJO: He's bad. 963 01:11:37,793 --> 01:11:39,252 FLACKO: Hey, he's the best. 964 01:11:40,879 --> 01:11:43,548 - Mahoney, talk to me. - Sir, he can't hear you. 965 01:11:43,716 --> 01:11:45,925 I know that, Schtulman. 966 01:11:46,260 --> 01:11:48,469 MAHONEY: Hey, are we going south? 967 01:11:48,637 --> 01:11:51,597 Because I got a lot of enemies down South. 968 01:11:54,393 --> 01:11:56,561 Yeah, man. Yeah, man. 969 01:11:56,729 --> 01:12:00,064 I like it, man. I like it. I don't know where I am. I like it. 970 01:12:00,816 --> 01:12:02,817 [HONKING] 971 01:12:16,081 --> 01:12:17,498 [HONKING] 972 01:12:17,666 --> 01:12:20,918 Yo, we got a friend. A friend. 973 01:12:21,962 --> 01:12:24,422 MAHONEY: All right, all right. 974 01:12:25,632 --> 01:12:29,260 I like it. I like it. You know what I mean? I like it. All right. 975 01:12:29,428 --> 01:12:32,638 - What is this place? FLACKO: It's where they kept the bears. 976 01:12:32,806 --> 01:12:35,808 Oh, yeah? Well, where are the bears? 977 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:40,688 Yeah, right. Bears. Maybe I should go home, get something to eat. 978 01:12:40,856 --> 01:12:44,150 Oh, hi, fella. Hi, nice to see you. Nice shades. Nice shades. 979 01:12:44,318 --> 01:12:45,985 Oh, nice bridge. Little shaky. 980 01:12:53,952 --> 01:12:56,496 Hey, I like this place. I really like it. 981 01:12:57,289 --> 01:13:01,125 MOJO: He's home. - Yeah, home. I like it, I like it. 982 01:13:01,335 --> 01:13:05,296 Lot of big steps, lot of graffiti on the wall. A cave like atmosphere. 983 01:13:05,464 --> 01:13:08,299 Just like The Flintstones. Where's Fred and Wilma? 984 01:13:08,467 --> 01:13:10,468 MOJO: He's cool. - Where you been all my life? 985 01:13:10,636 --> 01:13:14,806 Don't get fresh. Maybe later. 986 01:13:14,973 --> 01:13:16,516 MAHONEY: I'm in trouble. 987 01:13:16,683 --> 01:13:20,686 What a place! Looks like a flea market. I went shopping yesterday. 988 01:13:20,854 --> 01:13:23,689 We got the same barber. You get a headache from that? 989 01:13:26,318 --> 01:13:29,904 You'll be awfully lonely sleeping without Mrs. Beasley. 990 01:13:30,114 --> 01:13:32,073 - I know. FLACKO: Zed? 991 01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:35,159 - I'm watching Family Affair. FLACKO: Zed. 992 01:13:35,327 --> 01:13:39,539 It's a rerun. What do you want? 993 01:13:39,706 --> 01:13:45,753 - I think he'd be a good Scullion. - You don't think, Flacko. You ask! 994 01:13:45,921 --> 01:13:49,674 - You got a name? What do they call you? - Jughead. 995 01:13:50,217 --> 01:13:54,512 Jughead. My mother's name was Jughead. 996 01:13:54,888 --> 01:13:59,684 - Well, I've been thinking of changing it. - Why? It's a good American name. 997 01:13:59,852 --> 01:14:01,853 As such! 998 01:14:02,229 --> 01:14:06,065 Right, right, right. Yeah, nice place. Great place. 999 01:14:06,442 --> 01:14:07,692 Thank you very much. 1000 01:14:07,860 --> 01:14:11,237 I had a woman who used to come in here about once a week... 1001 01:14:11,405 --> 01:14:14,031 but I had to fire her. It didn't pan out. 1002 01:14:14,199 --> 01:14:16,576 - Oh, really? I might know someone. - Shut up! 1003 01:14:16,743 --> 01:14:20,746 - I don't know anyone. Not a person. - What are you so nervous about? 1004 01:14:20,914 --> 01:14:24,584 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The place weirds me out. 1005 01:14:24,751 --> 01:14:26,294 It smells like animals. 1006 01:14:26,462 --> 01:14:28,754 - They took him to my place? - Shh! 1007 01:14:28,922 --> 01:14:30,298 - Where are we? - The old zoo. 1008 01:14:30,466 --> 01:14:32,049 The old zoo! 1009 01:14:33,594 --> 01:14:38,556 The old zoo. The old... Not the new zoo, but the old zoo. 1010 01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:41,058 You have a cigarette? Some smokes? 1011 01:14:41,226 --> 01:14:42,977 - The old zoo. - The old zoo? 1012 01:14:43,187 --> 01:14:47,231 - I never even saw the new zoo. - Well, now's your chance, Schtulman. 1013 01:14:47,399 --> 01:14:52,236 Lou may love it. It'll be like a new home. Turn the wheel! 1014 01:14:55,616 --> 01:14:58,618 What about a light? What about some little fire? 1015 01:15:01,121 --> 01:15:03,581 You shouldn't smoke. It's bad for your health. 1016 01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:07,627 - Think I'll quit. MAN OVER RADIO: At Raceway Park. 1017 01:15:07,794 --> 01:15:12,131 - Dragsters... ZED: You're wired! 1018 01:15:12,341 --> 01:15:16,511 - You're a cop. - No, no, no. I'm a singer. 1019 01:15:18,805 --> 01:15:21,015 You're a cop. 1020 01:15:22,309 --> 01:15:24,602 And you're an ugly cop. 1021 01:15:25,437 --> 01:15:29,440 Attention all units. Attention all units. We've got a 997 at the old zoo. 1022 01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:32,944 - 997? LASSARD: We got a 997 at the old zoo. 1023 01:15:33,111 --> 01:15:36,113 A 997 at the old zoo. Mahoney needs help. 1024 01:15:36,615 --> 01:15:41,327 Step on it, please. Not you, Lou! 1025 01:15:41,495 --> 01:15:44,622 All units. We have a 997 at the old abandoned zoo! 1026 01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:47,625 - What are you doing? - I was calling for assistance. 1027 01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:51,003 - Mahoney's in trouble. - Mahoney is suspended. 1028 01:15:51,171 --> 01:15:54,006 You will do nothing of the kind. 1029 01:15:55,342 --> 01:15:57,301 HOOKS: Hurry! Hurry! Mahoney's in trouble! 1030 01:15:57,469 --> 01:16:00,513 - Mahoney! - Let's go! 1031 01:16:04,184 --> 01:16:06,394 - What's up? - Mahoney's in trouble. 1032 01:16:06,562 --> 01:16:08,521 - Let me drive. - Will you get in! 1033 01:16:08,689 --> 01:16:11,857 Hey! Wait a minute! 1034 01:16:12,401 --> 01:16:14,527 Wait a minute! 1035 01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:19,031 - Don't make me flare my nostrils! - Excuse me, Zed. Look, relax. 1036 01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:21,867 You gotta calm down. You gotta breathe with me. 1037 01:16:22,035 --> 01:16:25,246 - One, two, three. - I'm getting too much caffeine. 1038 01:16:25,414 --> 01:16:29,375 - Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go now. - I ought to kill you! 1039 01:16:29,668 --> 01:16:31,085 - Hightower. HIGHTOWER: Yes, sir? 1040 01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:33,879 I want you and Jones to cross that bridge. 1041 01:16:34,047 --> 01:16:37,550 Wait outside this entrance until you hear my signal. Get going. 1042 01:16:37,718 --> 01:16:39,719 MAUSER: No going. 1043 01:16:39,886 --> 01:16:43,389 Well, well, well. 1044 01:16:43,890 --> 01:16:47,393 If it isn't the former captain... 1045 01:16:48,353 --> 01:16:50,938 Pete Lassard. 1046 01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:57,862 - What the hell do you think you're doing? - I'm making a plan of attack. 1047 01:16:58,030 --> 01:17:02,283 Now, there's an air vent on top of that cave. I'll be going in through there. 1048 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:05,870 - Schtulman... - Like hell you are. I'm in charge here. 1049 01:17:06,038 --> 01:17:07,872 - Fackler. - Yes, sir. 1050 01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,875 - You'll come with me. - Where? 1051 01:17:11,043 --> 01:17:13,210 To the air vent. 1052 01:17:14,921 --> 01:17:16,422 Captain Mauser. 1053 01:17:23,722 --> 01:17:27,558 - We're gonna do this my way. - I'm not gonna move my elbow. 1054 01:17:27,726 --> 01:17:32,271 - I don't need that. I need that. - Get out of here! 1055 01:17:32,439 --> 01:17:34,899 Wanna trade? 1056 01:17:35,651 --> 01:17:37,443 FACKLER: Okay, up you go, sir. 1057 01:17:39,738 --> 01:17:43,658 - Get your hand out of my ass! - Sorry, sorry. 1058 01:17:45,952 --> 01:17:50,289 - Oh! Mauser! Mauser! - Captain Mauser. Come on. 1059 01:17:50,457 --> 01:17:51,957 FACKLER: Sorry. 1060 01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:04,095 JONES: What is this place? HIGHTOWER: Bear cave. 1061 01:18:04,262 --> 01:18:05,304 [GRUNTING] 1062 01:18:05,472 --> 01:18:08,140 HIGHTOWER: Come on. - Oh, drawbridge. 1063 01:18:14,022 --> 01:18:15,106 [RATS SQUEALING] 1064 01:18:15,273 --> 01:18:16,857 - What's that? - Rats. 1065 01:18:17,025 --> 01:18:19,527 - Rats? - Rats. 1066 01:18:20,696 --> 01:18:23,948 Good idea. You stay here, cover the outside. 1067 01:18:24,116 --> 01:18:27,618 Be right back. I hope. 1068 01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:46,679 Wait, wait, wait! Blow out the candle. 1069 01:18:50,809 --> 01:18:52,643 MAHONEY: Wait a minute! - Wow. 1070 01:18:52,811 --> 01:18:54,729 MAUSER: Get back! 1071 01:18:54,938 --> 01:18:57,690 FACKLER: Sorry, I'm nervous. What? 1072 01:18:57,858 --> 01:19:01,861 Wrap it around your waist. Make a double slipknot like this. 1073 01:19:03,697 --> 01:19:05,322 [YELLING] 1074 01:19:05,532 --> 01:19:09,368 - I'm gonna lower you down real gently. - Me? 1075 01:19:09,536 --> 01:19:10,828 No, your mother. 1076 01:19:14,708 --> 01:19:17,084 - Let me show you what to do. Fackler! - Oh, no! 1077 01:19:17,252 --> 01:19:19,712 MAUSER: Oh, shit! 1078 01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:24,175 [SCREAMS] 1079 01:19:24,384 --> 01:19:27,845 MAUSER: Stop this thing! - What it is! Everybody's under arrest! 1080 01:19:30,265 --> 01:19:33,893 - They've arrived. MAUSER: Get me out of here! Fackler! 1081 01:19:34,102 --> 01:19:36,061 [GUNS FIRING] 1082 01:19:36,354 --> 01:19:38,856 - Ah! - Get me out of here! Oh, God! 1083 01:19:39,107 --> 01:19:41,400 [IMITATES GUNFIRE] 1084 01:19:43,695 --> 01:19:47,740 - Now, Zed, you're being reasonable. - I hate reasonable! 1085 01:19:49,409 --> 01:19:50,910 MAUSER: Schtulman, it's me! 1086 01:19:52,412 --> 01:19:55,206 [IMITATES GUNFIRE AND SIREN] 1087 01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:01,504 JONES: This is the police department. 1088 01:20:01,713 --> 01:20:04,215 [IMITATES HELICOPTER] 1089 01:20:06,551 --> 01:20:08,052 JONES: Throw down your weapons... 1090 01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,596 put up your hands and come out of this cave. 1091 01:20:12,766 --> 01:20:15,226 - Hi, boys. - Whoa. 1092 01:20:15,393 --> 01:20:17,102 But, sir... No! 1093 01:20:21,733 --> 01:20:23,234 [YELLING] 1094 01:20:41,753 --> 01:20:44,129 [GROANING] 1095 01:20:45,298 --> 01:20:48,259 - Zed, come on, let's talk. - I'm not in the mood! 1096 01:20:48,426 --> 01:20:51,846 - Drop the gun. - I'm in the mood. 1097 01:20:52,055 --> 01:20:56,141 - So where are you from? - Drop the gun, punk! 1098 01:20:56,977 --> 01:20:59,478 You won't shoot! You don't have any guts! 1099 01:20:59,646 --> 01:21:02,273 Three more seconds, you don't have any brains. 1100 01:21:02,983 --> 01:21:07,278 - I do so have brains. - Sir, three seconds is up. 1101 01:21:07,445 --> 01:21:09,947 I'm on about two and a half! 1102 01:21:10,323 --> 01:21:12,116 Drop it. 1103 01:21:15,954 --> 01:21:20,457 - Good job, sir! - Thanks, Mahoney. Pick up the gun. 1104 01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:24,503 ZED: That didn't hurt. 1105 01:21:25,171 --> 01:21:27,339 That didn't hurt. 1106 01:21:27,507 --> 01:21:29,967 That didn't hurt. 1107 01:21:30,135 --> 01:21:33,512 - That hurt! - Don't move, dirt bag! 1108 01:21:33,847 --> 01:21:35,681 Where you been, Hooks? 1109 01:21:47,694 --> 01:21:50,863 Sir, that was beautiful. 1110 01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:52,823 [GUN CLICKS] 1111 01:21:56,328 --> 01:22:00,205 Haven't carried live ammo since '73. 1112 01:22:09,215 --> 01:22:11,842 Welcome back, captain. 1113 01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:17,848 MAUSER: Proctor! 1114 01:22:19,434 --> 01:22:22,019 [BELLS RINGING] 1115 01:22:35,742 --> 01:22:39,244 MAHONEY: One. Two. 1116 01:22:54,302 --> 01:22:57,930 Tack. Now, you be a good boy tonight. 1117 01:22:58,723 --> 01:22:59,974 You guys. 1118 01:23:04,562 --> 01:23:08,232 MAHONEY: All right, boys. At ease. 1119 01:23:08,900 --> 01:23:11,777 Thanks. Okay, one more. Oh, excuse me. 1120 01:23:11,945 --> 01:23:13,821 [JONES IMITATES CAMERA] 1121 01:23:14,072 --> 01:23:17,116 - Hi, commandant. - Mahoney, how are you? 1122 01:23:17,283 --> 01:23:19,451 - Pretty good. - We've missed you. 1123 01:23:19,619 --> 01:23:21,120 - Thanks. - Not that much. 1124 01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:29,962 - Bye! - Bye-bye! 1125 01:23:32,757 --> 01:23:34,633 Bye!